Feet Hurt, Back Aches

and I have two more weeks until vacation! Blah! No internet connection makes blogging real hard.... poop. So short post.... hopefully I'll be able to post more as time goes on.

Middle of Tango run.... not my favorite production, but my job is easy, and I have lots of project and homework time. Ugh.... borthers present is becoming a pain... but it's still simpler than projects I've taken on in the past.

Ah life.... oh! I love coaching. Just so everyone knows!

Blue Monday

Well, everywhere else people are still dealing with fires, and whether or not they have homes to come home to, and here in Long Beach everything is hunky-dory. Nothing out of the ordinary. After having a fantastic week not being lonely (John was on voluntary evacuation and I bullied him to come stay with me) I am back to blah. Sunday I felt sick, today I don't want to eat. Can't get the internet at SCHOOL to cooperate.... and Halloween is going to make me cry. More than once. I have no party, no trick-or-treaters, and no costume. Not even any company. My favorite holiday is quickly becoming the most depressing day I get to look forward to each year. Ugh.... I had junk to write. But, nothings coming to mind. Saturday we went to Knotts with Jarvis and Sarah, which was cool. On one of the rides there was a pair of kids, 8-10 years old, who were 'cutting' in the line. While trying to scale one of the walls I told them to cut it out, where their parents were, and that they weren't allowed to cut anymore. Sarah was impressed, I was glad my mean-streak from swim instructing hadn't vanished. But now I am going to go home, eat something, then get my rent and go grocery shopping. W007!

Oh boy....

So, I have not only not posted in about a millenium, but now the whole bottom thrid of the state iss ablaze. Family is in worst place to be #1 and boyfriend is in bad place to be #2. Air quality sucks, my nose is terribly bloody and I have a nasty headach between my eyes. I promise I will post a more in depth update one of thee days.... when I have more than 15 minutes of internet. But I'm safe, family is safe, boyfriend is safe, friends are safe. That has nothing to do with my nerves however. I'm holding up okay..... and it helps that John decided to come spend the rest of the week with me because his campus is closed, and the girls will visit me today after Knotts Berry Farm.

Tragedy!

I don't have anywhere to go for halloween! I know it's early... kinda..... but I need to know what I am doing so I know how I am dressing! It's incredibly importante! So if you have any ideas for parties, get-togethers, shin-digs, hoo-has, fiestas or even costume ideas you think I would be awesome as; LET ME KNOW!

Past ideas that have not been utilized include: Rouge, Valkyrie, Kitana/Jade/mortal kombat chick, Belle, just for some ideas.

Having no internet is no bueno

Yeah. Updates are few and far between. Swamped with theatre. Swamped with life. Lies. Just theatre. I had things to write....... but now I am tired. :( Oh, but I did talk to Shane the other day, that was cool.

Sedona, AZ!

That's where I have been the past few days... forgive me the short post, not that anyone reads, but I dont get internet for very long..

It was beautiful! I promise pictures when I get them loaded.

We had a sexist ATV tour guide. She was retarded, but knew where to get good jewelery. Not mechanically inclined my ass, I rode better than my dad after my initial adjustment period. Seriously.

My dad is embarrassed I'm a vegetarian. And it was hilarious! It's better in person, so ask, but it went along the line of this:
Waitress: "Is that for dinner?"
Me: "Yes please."
Dad: (whisper) "She's a vegetarian!"

We lol'd.

We also went to a biker bar. That was entertaining.

And we were in LA traffic in AZ. Who knew?

I also went to Date Land. Wooh!

More details when I have a steady connection. :)

First day of school

Nothing too exciting. Theatre classes look cool. I'm gonna be reading a crap ton of plays! :p

Commuting sucks though. Hardcore.

Still getting over my cold. Now my throat feels like it's bleeding out. MMMMMMmmmmm...... irony.

estoy enferma. ;(

not the way I wanted to end my summer. Sick. Poop. But there was an awesome rainstorm/thunder storm last night! So cool!!! :D

still waiting for the place to call us back and tell us when we can sign the lease..... this is my last hope, so it better come through!!!

I'm too sick to write anything else.....

Homeless!!!!

Yeah, but hopefully not for very much longer. I have a week left. SOooooo...... I don't really know. A semester off is not an option in my moms world. We'll see. We'll see.

Wow

It's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah.... but I've been crazy busy. Trying to keep the pool in order (with little help from the rest of the staff, including the managers), trying to find a place to live, trying to find a better job, etc, etc, etc.... blah! I can say I'll be glad when it's finally all said and done with.

I went to Boba with Jeff last night. That was fun, hadn't seen that kind in a while. He drove all the way up to Washington last week on his bike (crazy boy). Night before that I went thrifting with Kenna and then to Hairspray with Robin, Josh and Deanna. That movie is amazing! I demand that anyone who is readying this go see it immediately!

Day before that I made John take me to Old Town Temecula. I got me some seasonings for my beans and rice. :) Then I drug him around a mall for a while.... that was way fun.

AND the day before that, I went and saw Super Bad with my brother! Also a movie I demand you go and see immediately! Oh was it funny! And raunchy! But all kinds of hilarious!

Bleck, blah, and bleh

Yep. Thats how it be. I'm burnt. I'm dry. My eyes are sore. My skin is cracked. My knees have been worked. And I am homeless. Homeless because I cannot bring myself to do the simple thing of emailing some people. I'm gonna have a freak out like I did last year. Everyone is looking forward to it I'm sure. Meh. But at least it's not like I've done nothing. I have emailed one girl, twice. Oh well. What can I do? Can't force her to email me, or to even touch base with me none-the-less live with me. I guess there are other gals out there. We'll see whats up. Maybe I'll score a super job and can afford a studio. We'll see.

Birthday Bash Blowout!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like alliteration. I know. What ya' gonna do about it? Anyway, John's birthday party was yesterday. It was great. Just enough people, more than enough food, and lots of entertainment. Those kids are great. Jarvis and I got into a water balloon fight. I kicked butt. Had a squirt gun fight, way cool. Over all it went great and I'm glad that those who came helped like they did! Thanks you guys!

But today at the pool was way different. Usually sundays are nice, but today it just dragged on forever! Uhg! And these ladies were going to give me and Katie a hemorrhage or something! They just took FOREVER to change! I swear! Blah!

My day, Today

Shall be full, and exciting. I have errands to get done this morning at mi casa, then when my mom gets offa work we're cruisin' the town! Gonna go ALL over the place. Party City and a Smart 'n Final para la fiesta manana! Then we're off to a secret shopper location, perhaps if I can perused her, we may hit up the Walmart (That I detest) adn see about that phone there that I want for rather cheap.... maybe not. I should ask my dad when he gets off work so we can do that. Maybe Sunday. Hmmmm..... Then we are going to rent a crap-ton of disney cartoons because we are SO beHIND! It's getting a little ridiculous. Off I am to start my day!

A whirlwind of a weekend.

And yet, it wasn't very blustery, as a matter of speaking. Didn't go to Comic-Con this year. Super bummed. Please don't ask about it. Seriously. (This means you John!) Did traffic school on Friday, and some miscommunication (and by 'mis-' I mean my mom didn't bother asking about my entire day and assumed I worked or something. Seriously) that didn't allow me to see my uncle, a branch of the family I haven't seen in over a year and a half at best. Got some super disturbing, upsetting, unsettling and heart-wrenching news about my cousin. Which in turn caused an incredibly teary recycling trip with my mom. Which then led to a super bi-polar ride up to John's (random bursts of tears are awesome going 75mph on the freeway!). The whole ordeal ended up being a little to much for me even to relate it back to John. But we went up to his school to keep his buddy company. Made them watch True Romance. They loved it. © teehee. Never got around to showing them Finding Neverland.... oh well. Another time I suppose.

Then there was the baseball game.

Oh boy. Why haven't I been to a baseball game in 10 years? Because they are long, and they are boring as sin. And I forgot to take my book with me. Dumb bitch. Seriously. Didn't know it started at 5. (I was thinking 2 or 3!) Really hoped it didn't last 4+ hrs (it did) Hoped we'd peace out early like my family (we didn't) Here's how the evening ran:
2:00- leave for stadium
3:00- arrive at stadium
5:05- game starts
9:05- leave game
9:23- get to Sarah's sister's
10:15- get back to Jarvis'
11:30- get to Johns
12:58- Get home
1:45- lay down to sleep
6:45- get up for work

dang was that crazy! Not to mention all the crap I ate last night to stay awake made me nasuous this morning. Didn't eat 'til lunch. Blech.

So sad.

Just got some rather upsetting news about a very dear family member. I'm really upset. I need to take a trip up to the bay area like no ones business. I hope she accepts. I hope she doesn't refuse. :(

ps:

did I mention i dont ha a place to live or people to live with next semester? Can you just say: "Good job Rae! The same problem you have every summer!"

So I'm homeless to boot. And soon to be partially unemployed. I say partially because I still technically work for the City of SD.

Oh, and I am no longer teaching my morning lessons, am not coaching polo and have not gotten my reffing certs. I'm a big mass of joy right now.

But on the upside, my volume controls work again. :)

well, that was nice.

Well, pops finally guilt'd me into visiting him at Bowling. Had an awesome fight with my brother, which basically boiled down to me being a loving sister and him not caring whether I am or not. That makes me feel awesome.

Had a actual good talk with Nick, that kid's fun.

Someone thought I was my dads wife. People think I look 23 years older than I actually am. That really made my day.

Talking to my mom about Comic-con, my uncle was unable to get the tickets. And as of now I don't know of anyone going. We'd have to go friday, and I have things I need to get done. Traffic school, PT, whatever else. I find it funny though. I've had to struggle each year to scrounge money, or frind a buddy (The one year I went with an Ex, that wasn't awkward at all) trying to find some way to get out of Aqua Fest or get my shift covered, getting the friday off to go, what-have-you. I have had some sort of issue every year to be able to make it to Comic-Con. I finally have NO scheduling conflicts, Aqua Fest was last week, I have Friday AND Saturday off, and absolutely no friends to go with. Everyone is doing something else. They have the issues. And I can't help but see the incredible irony. Of course, talking to my mom about it has made me cry, because thats whats she does now, she makes me cry. I have a feeling that it has a little something to do with the fact that people think I look 40-something and my brother would leave me in a ditch to die if it meant saving him gas and money. What a wonderful night this has turned out to be! Happy Wednesday Rae!

Today

What a day today was. I had at least 4 sets of parents ask me if I was okay, and if everything was alright, and if so why wasn't I teaching lessons? It made me feel really good. :) Made me realize that I love teaching, and if that means morning and afternoon I'm totally cool with that.

And during rec. swim Russ proposed to me with one of our giant packages of hot dogs. We got a great laugh. Ya' see, earlier, I had this smart ass I was trying to get to say please for the mark on his hand after his swim test. Russ was mocking me, telling him to say: "Rae! Oh most beautiful guardian of lives! Take pity on me and give me a mark on my hand, PLEASE!" and the like, then he suggested the kid got on his knees and ask, to which the kid replied that he only did that when giving people hot dogs. WOW! We got a laugh out of that. Such a laugh that hasn't been heard! It was marvelous! Ah! What a day!

Then all was well until the split tiny tot class. Damn, did that girl have a set of lungs on her! Nothing but screaming of bloody murder! Holy Lung Capacity, Batman! No one at the pool could hear what they were thinking this girl's screaming was so loud! OMG! Thank goodness that kid is not in the class any more!

Would you go home with someone like?

Mmmm, Young Folks by PB&J! Good song. Almost have that whistling down!

Anyways, I've been super drained these last 2 days. Unfuntional thursday, pissy mood yesterday, but I am feeling better today.

Had an inservice yesterday, and boy, am I way out of shape! Couldn't get Russel's or my head out of the water on the submerged spinal. Wow, has that boy gained weight or what! He's bulking up for the CIA(where he will apparently work at some point in the future, after living in Russia for a while) and Iam simply to small to do it. I don't like to use that excuse when it counts, so I suppose I'm going to have bulk up a bit myself! And by bulk I mean get those lean muscles going again.... I've been slacking in the jogging depot as well as the swimming. I'm gonna have to do something about that. Shoot, and I thought I was pretty good from rowing! Dang! Oh well, swimming I must go, or surfing. Maybe I'll start that again. any one up for 8am surfing?

Owch. :(

My elbow hurts. I decided to block a ball Costner was throwing into the goal between our classes, and did I ever! But my elbow has been killing me ever since! I'm going to try and ice it before I leave to get my breaks done on my car this morning.

But I was DD last night for Deanna so she could play beer pong at Jefe's. That was interesting. His roommates are entertaining. Super drinkers, super stoners. What a combo! I did make fun of Deanna, and the opposing Kate. In true girl fashion (Ms Deanna Marie Westover, where did that competitive spirit go?) they were encouraging each other and I heard lots of praise. ('Wow! Good Job!"or "You can do it!") We all had a good laugh. Later, when it was the music jam session, some kid played one of the songs I'm learning to play in my guitar class. And when they found out, they made me play for them. Interesting. For sure. Then Kat showed up and we bounced, being the tired workaholics we are. And we had to make a stop for Dee so she could use the little ballerinas room. It was a good night.

But my elbow still hurts damnit!

Doot-de-doo...

fhqwhgads on the brain! Whoo! Nothing much to say. Went to boba with Dee and Jefe last night. Deanna has decided to join me at the 99 cent store after work, and then I am her DD to beer pong. I am on a mission to find vegetarian glue(on oxymoron) and nail polish remover. I really hope I find some, otherwise my projects will start becoming very difficult.

Preeoww!

I miss that sound. :( But the brothers has a baby....guess I'll have to wait.

Talking to the Howeller right now.Asking me alls kinds of questions about school and crew. So I chose to indulge her in school. That art history minor? May turn out to be spanish. Again. I know, wishy0washy. Can't help it. It's the way I am. Took 3 semesters to declare a major for heaven sakes!

Had a run-in with one of the scardy cats.Felt bad because her mom was there, but she clearly did not want me to indulge her daughter in using the stairs. Then I felt real bad, because of the 'awesome patience I showed thurs' (didn't have any fro her today) I got 2 tickets to the Space Center! Oh yeah! Rock on, me!

Week three....

is over. And what a long summer this is turning out to be! (not a real complaint, I assure you) Katie and I, and many of the other instructors, have long clocked out mentally on these lessons. But lo! We actually have a manager! She was cleared yesterday! How exciting!

And today, so many leaps and bounds with my chill'uns! They are all doing great, especially a certain ms. Rachel and Master Isaac. How easy my life will soon be with them willing to DO something! An exciting thing, I promise!

But I look forward to tomorrow; face-ripping-offage, Boyage, doing stuffage, payage. Yes, so much tomorrow!

Hye yo!

I went camping friday and got all kinds of eaten up. And I like the way I dont get itchy until now. Yesterday Jefe and I strayed from Boba... I know; scandalous! We went to the Tofu House and then Yogurt World instead. Both were worth it. It's serve yourself yoghurt! What could be better? You pay per ounce! It was So cool! And I am trying to get my car things taken car of. It such a pain in the butt. I'm not doing a good job right now of updating right now. Kind of distracted.

Oh boy

I am no good at this! Woah! Here's been my week:

Tues: sat in water for 2 hours with a 7+ chl and a 5- ph. W007! Not only did I reek, but my skin was itchy. Eww. Kicked people out around 11, and finally was able to leave at 4. And I called all the lessons. ALL of them. Some people were really rude, for others; it was the highlight of their day! I chuckled.
Wed: Opened a half an hour late because there was NO chlorine in the pool to speak of. I almost tossed Costner in with his bloody nose so we could leave for good. Then i went to the 99 cent store and got oggled by a weirdo who said I was cute(acceptable) and sexy(no acceptable) so I split for Michaels.
Thur: FREEEEEZED! I was letting my smaller kids leave early because it was so cold. Sotest day of the week? My Ass it was! Not to mention I took a pretty awesome spill in the office; got a big ass bruise on my right palm form it. Kept getting asked if it was broken. It hurts much less today, but it's in a place I don't think would be terribly bothered if it really was broken. I'll just have to ask my doctor about it this morning at my appointment. (He's gonna love me! I have a whole Laundry List of things for him to look at!) But guitar was good, having a teacher is extremely beneficial to me I find. Even though I know all this junk, I'm still more motivated. It's great!
Fri: (aka: Today!) Haven't really done anything yet but talk to Derek, which has been a while. Off to the doctors in about 40 min. Hopefully I'll get to the pool in time for at least the end of my 1st lessons; seeing as I forgot to leave cards and candy for my kids! Oops! Better call Andy and Let him know! I don't think it'll be a problem though. My appointment is at 9, my lessons ends at 10:38. I should be okay. Even with all the crap I have, I shouldn't been in there for too terribly long, because I think at this point I need specialists for a lot of my ailments.

So off I go to be a busy girl! Even during summer I don't get rest! (Except for my beach day tomorrow! w007!!!)

A bit too much? A much too much.

Oh! how good I used to be at updating my blog! It seems as though I have thrown it to the wind in recent times. Oops.

Well, my life has been exciting. Summer officially started for the City on Monday. And what a 1st week it has been. Over staffed? Under staffed? Incompetent managers, 'guest' managers who do more then the one whose been working at our facility for a year! Upset supervisors sending everyone on a split shift. Disgusting bathrooms? We got rid of those. Thanks to Katie, Terina and I. We whipped that bitch into shape! Hopefully the boys doesn't pale in comparison. It actually ran smoothly yesterday. It was amazing! I wish Terina was our manager. Shes way awesome. They need to promote her. Hardcore.

I also have been going to my guitar class. It's boring, but I am learning a lot, so it's totally worth it. I need to figure something out about this walking out to my car on my own down a cweepy street at 9 at night. Seriously.

But now about the DMV. Not only did I wait around for 2 hours(which I expected) I was informed that not only do I need the form to get my tags replaced signed by my 'husband' (I wanted to strangle this lady) who is in reality my dad, but I also have an unpaid parking ticket(lies) which now has an extra fee because it is late. Then I had a good work day only to be reminded of how bleak my situation is by getting a parking ticket for having expired tags. This makes me so upset, so upset that I bailed on hanging with some friends last night because I dont want to go near my car. I was half hoping some police officer would pull me over last night and take my license away from me so I wouldn't be able to drive anymore! I'm to the point, where if I had the option, I would hire a choufer. No joke.

The life of Rae

has recently been full of painting. Thats practically all I did yesterday. Was paint. And I'm still not done! Ahh! Meh, so I take on big projects? So what? I'm ambitious! :D

I'm been relatively good at keeping up my work outs, not to what my coach I am sure would like me to be, but I don't even care. So far I've run about 4 or 5 times (Hurray for Kenna being my running buddy!) and I'm swam once; I'd have swam more at this point but it's too much effort to go to someone else's pool and mine is always closed when I am there. That'll change next week. I also had a good eating day yesterday. Minus the funk my dad fed me. Him and I are at odds, when I cook I make things that are healthy, wholesome, and meat-free. When he cooks it's full fat, grease, empty calories, full of meat and generally fiber-free(my hang-up: I LOVE me lots of fiber! I'm crazy like that.) So you can see where we have issues. He generally opts out for take-out when I cook. I manage to eat more than my fair share of icky mac'n'cheese and a decent salad. Oh, and since he doesn't like craisins it's my job to get them if I want them. Isn't that nice?

Oh, my brother is also an 18 year old who CANNOT put dishes away properly. He doesn't even try. Is it too late for super nanny?

John's coming out today, and I am going to show him the town! I'm going to take him places hes never been! (Not very hard, He assures me.) So my day is going to be busy and awesome!!! Woot!

Sheesh.

My dad thinks he knows a buncha junk about my computer. Because his computer is the 'better' model, he thinks he knows more than I do about mine. So when I ask him for help, he takes it as free reign to delete 'crap' from my computer. Crap such as better browsers, applications that make my life easier and so forth under the motto: 'It's taking up space, making her computer run slower or useless junk I wouldn't let touch my computer with a 10 foot pole.' and this makes it okay for him to delete said applications. WTF? I told him exactly what was wrong with my computer, and made him fix it A) because it was his stupid software that effed up my lappy in the first place and B) because I don't fee like taking the time. I am more than capable to fix my lappy on my own;done it a dozen times. But I feel since he didn't hear me out the first time (all i needed was the network key to go on the freakin' internet) and just shoved some software in my face that I told him wasn't what I needed, I'd make him do it. But apparently, no matter how many times I tell him what the matter is it doesn't matter. Because when he's on my computer, he's allowed to do what ever he damn well pleases. Aim? MSN Messenger? Never used! Out they go! Kodak and Adobe? Useless! Away with them! I swear, he blames the junk on my computer for my miseries, but he never stops to ask me why I have them.

Sober Papa?

Is freaking me out. He actually remembers that I am a vegetarian. He's in denial about it, but he remembers. And he actually talks to you now. It's weirding me out! But in a very good way. :)

All kinds of chapped.thi

Which means my summer has begun. Everytime I spend 2 or more weeks outta pool water, or get into a recently drained and refilled pool, my face gets chapped. Hard core. And it's bad this time. I woke up last nigh at 2:30 because it itched so much. Blech. But at least a chapped face means that it's SUMMER!!! Hecks yeah it is! I was at two inservices this weekend which is why it's all red and itchy. Saturday was the All City Guard Training, where we sit in a room in Balboa Park for 4 hours listening to stuff about skin cancer, the Pool Guard of the Year awards and then this year our surprize lecture was Customer Service! Then we get lunch, and off to the pool we go to get all our recerts, except this year we didn't do CPR because it's all crazy and changed. Then we had our pool inservice yesterday. Best inservice ever! It was quick, to the point, and fun! I baked scones for the crew, and boy were those a pain in the ass. I don't think I'll use whole wheat flour next time. But they were good even though Costners a jerk and said they were burnt. Loser. See if I let him eat anything I make again. psh.

Wow.

Yeah, I know, It's been forever and a day. Currently it's the 3rd day I've spent at John's place, him and Asian Fred are asleep in his room and I am watching Cops in their living room with Sarah and Eric.

Last night we went and got some Boba (WAY to long!) and Crepes, which I passed on because I do not want a sandwich in a crepe. Personal preference. Then we went and played pool; and much like bowling, I had my moments, surrounded by a lot of terrible. We had fun though. Sarah totally owned at the last game, not only did she sink our last 3 balls, but she also called the 8 ball. W007!

Anyways, for those who didn't read my bulliten, my boat got 11 in the country. Thats right, I'm officially ranked bitches! It was a great experience, but damn am I glad it's over. I love those gals, but it's been long past due for me to have a break. So so glad it's over. I can finally start my summer. w007!

Well, I go home tomorrow. Taking Chris along with me. Should be an interesting rest of my week.

"Well slap me thrice and hand me to my mama!"

Said Mr. Gibbs. Ah, what a movie. What. A. Movie. You should all go watch it so I can talk to you about it. Holy Crap! Honestly. I need some talkin' about that movie. Like now.

So, I know, it's been a long while since i updated this thing. Like since I came back from Philly. And I'm about to leave for Jersey tomorrow. Wow. I'm travel'n all over the place! Wowsa! But it'll be over soon enough. Soon. E. Nuff. Boy can I not wait for no more deadlines, no more sue dates and no more LIGHTWEIGHTS! I love these girls, but I cannot deal with this eating thing anymore. They are all struggling with staying around 130, adn I mean everyone of them, besides one other and myself, has hade some sort of freak out these past two weeks since Philly regarding the 130 line. Me? I keep losing weight. I dont feel liek I am eating particularly well either; expecially after that monster of a buritto I ate this afternoon. It was freakin' beastly. BEASTLY. I'll post pictures later. You'll be amazed. I promise. So huge. It was like breakfast, lunch and dinner. And all my snacks, and dessert. Twice.

A story for the Books

so I have been told.It goes as follows:

Alyssa: Awwww man.....
Molly: Did you step in gum?
Alyssa: Yeah...
Molly: People need to learn how to spit their gum in the trash.
Me: Or how to swallow it.
All: (faces of disgust) Eww....
Me: Well, if your not willing to swallow what-
All:(doubled over in laughter.)
Me: you put in your mouth, it should be there to begin with.

I'l ltell it to you in person sometime. It's much better in person, I promise. :)

Philadelphia!!!!

I'm here. Been here a few days already. Already got 1st in our heat and we have our final race today. And even though we've been kicking everybodies butts in these races, the stupid rankings still do not include us.Not only that; but the Lightweight Blog Fight in the Dog will not effing give us the credit we deserve. Basically; we're lucky to be keeping up with'such high quality teams' as this chick puts it. Lucky my left foot, even though between Kay and Lauren they found enough 4 leaf clovers for the entire boat plus one for Steve and Elena and Carla. That's 13 four-leaf'd clovers. Hecks yeah. We're going to show these east-coast floosies what the west coast is all about!

ok

just so you dont' all think I'm being super emo, here's my weekend:

A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Long (but good) row saturday, followed by much responsibilidad para mi y el trailor. I know it sounds really stupid, but being in charge of where the boats went meant a lot to me for some reason. I even think it's strange. Then I had goo hang out/nap time with John and Jarvis while they played scarry games. Then a great double-dinner-date with Jarvis and Sarah, then triple-movie-date with John's cousin Nicholas and his gal Amanda. SPIDERMAN 3!! Hecks yeah! It was a great movie, and John's Wild Hogs. Confuse? Lets go back to 5th grade. I am to Wild Hogs as John is to Spiderman 3. Like: Jump is to exciting as Scream is to frightening. Get it? No? Ask your Mr. Scambellari. All-in-all my weekend was great until it came to a scretching halt this evening. :( I certainily wish it hadn't.

It hurts because

I love and look up to him. I know we dont have the best relationship, but he just doesn't seem to get it. I don't know how to make him understand, and it hurts everytime. I wihs it would stop but I'm not willing to let go. I still have hopes of smoothing it over in the end, it's just sometimes I dont think he does.

I wish you didn't miss me the way that you do. It will kill me if I have to be the one to tell them no. It will kill me if you make me and I don't. When did I go from your 18 year old, back to your 12? When was I projected back in time? I thought you were 20 once too, but I guess you've forgotten. I'm trying to do better than you for you, but it's not good enough. I wish you could just be proud of me for what I am trying to do, and not be disappointed with the way I am trying to handle it.

But I still love you, and that's what hurts the most.

Sacrememnto

Gold and Silver baby! Hecks yeah! We totally rocked WIRAs this year! Crazy good! Everytime we got off the podeium; we had to run back in line to wait for another metal! Steve-o was so excited adn proud! It was a really good weekend, and I'll have to write more about it later. Unfortunatly I woke up yesterday with a soar throat, and it has yet to leave me a full 24 hours later. Last thing I need is to be really sick. Seriously. Hopeuflly it wont go any farther than this soar throat and general feeling like crap that I am feeling right now..... but we'll see. Cross my fingers!!

We also had good bonding time on our way to Red Robin's (where we all decided to to begin our 'splurge' day) And for the first time all weekend, even though I ate really crudey food, I didn't feel terrible gross and full afterward. It was great! I split a gardenburger and chocolate milsahke with Cyndee, and then we all munched on the bottomless steak fries for the reast of the meal.

Oh, Zeeb, Cyndee and I also mooned the boys car. Apparently they recognized mine. We laughed really hard. What a good meal that was.... I love the ride back from Sac State; we always make it a good time. Always.

Did I mention that I chased wild turkies on my run yesterday? 'Cause I did.

By the way: Gold in the Lt Wt Novice 4, Silver in the Lt Wt Varsity 8. Can you say, amazing? I am so pumped for Phily right now.... you dont even know.

PS

Did I mention the dream where I got knocked up in last night? Yeah, super weird. Ask me about it sometime. It's totally worth it.

Pericles

Is where I'm at. Not doing much of anything at. Except getting yelled at by an ego-tripping crew-supervisor. But I'm doing a super job of ignoring her and doing a fantastic job anyway. That's right folks- I'm a rebel. w007!

Well, It's been one hell of a week so far, and will continue to be until at least next tuesday. I go non-stop until then. I've been waking up at 4:30, going to crew, then off to school at 8, then either to work at 3:30 or home for food and cloths at 4:30, then to Pericles cre at 5:30 and I've beens tuck here until 10. Then it's home, munch out, get somethings outta the way, brush my teeth grab junk for the morning, and then to bed it is for me! I need to be watching TV... weird huh? For PoliSci I gotta watch the news, and I just don't have time. Luckily he's letting me use newspapers instead; cool. When am I going to get3 days worth of those? Dunno. Got some late nights ahead of me I do. But its' cool. I let it all go this morning. Or last night. Somewhere in there. So even though I have all this stress and pressure, I really am not feeling it anymore. Wheather that's good or bad I can't tell; but I'malso not worried about it. :)

Even all thoughs things I was reeling from after talking to my mom moday, not reeling anymore. Letting it all go. Because all I want to do is yell at small children and get skin cancer. And I think I could fit some gutar in there as well.

We'll see how I feel when I get back from SAC on sun. I'm sure the stress will be a little different; and I'll undoubaly have more things to worrie about; but at least I'm in a good spot now.

Except I havn't a clue what I'm doing for a home next semester. Sounds familiar? Yeah; it is. But at least this time I'm not doing it because I'm afraid of who I'll get stuck living with. I'm doing it because I honestly don't know how to go about it my way or my parents way; adn there isn't a happy medium.

Butat this moment, I'm feeling good.

You know whats really frustrating?

Knowing that, while I am having issues paying bills and rent, I am stuck in a sucky job that I am way over qualified for adn could be making twice as much and work half as hard if I just went out and got a job I was meant for. But I dont because I have a preconceived notion of what they expect, and what they are goint to say so I just avoid it and take whatever crap I can just to scrape by. What kind of loser does this make me? The kind that hates paying these bills and worrying about not having food to eat. Thats the kind.

My life.

Is entirly too hectic. Classes now, classes next semester. Living situation now, living situation later. Carla here, Carla not here later. I seriously have not talked, and I mean talked to that girl in such a long time. It went from hanging out on a regular basis, once, twice, sometimes 3 times a week, one-on-one with that girl to now I only see her at crew and barelt speak a word beyond hello/good-bye. Wtf? I happened across her today on my way to Costume Lab, she was waiting for her Psych test to be over since she took it the week before and was eating an apple. So I sat and talked with her, definitly not enough time. Apparently she's been meaning to pull me aside and talk to me privatly. Things I wasn't aware of are afoot, and things I suspected are going down. Ivy and Allie and I are not the only ones who've gotten the dirty end of the Crew stick, or in our case, oar. It makes me sad that what happened to me and Ivy last year is now happening to her as well.... but I saw it coming. Favorites are played, and considerations for egos are taken into account. On the other hand she's getting what I got last year after her long absence as well. What comes around goes around, I suppose, but I dont want anyone to have to deal with the things I dealt and continually deal with. Neither one of us can affor it, and if there was another starboard, you can bet that I'd be booted in an instance as well. I know I don't so the second workouts, and I keep losing weight (too bad this wasn't the case last year) and my knees are shot to hell and I can't even take my supplements anymore because there is shellfish in it. I get that. But I'm aslo always at practice on time or early ready to go hell or high water (or in our case, increadibly so low that the dock is resting on the rocks) and I give what I can, which isn't always what they demand, but it's the best I can do. And lets not forget all the races that I havn't been in, and all the driving I've done and the gifts I've made and the pictures I've taken and the boats i've rigged/de-rigged alone because I wasn't in any boat and therefore was excluded from any pre/post-race meeting. Oh,and don;t forget all the money I spent on plane tickets and gas and wear-and-tear and unis and sweats and water and food and baking and restaurants and keeping my fat yap closed no matter how ridiculusly hard it is becuase I know, and the last thing I need people doing is stating the obvious to me. I'm short. I'm light. I'm damaged. I have an attitude. And I can't help but think that if I had been given even the slightest chance of coxing for reals, or someone took my side and said ehat they believed instead of going with the group that I would have given those other two girls a run for their money if not beat them fair-and-square. But I dont speak up. I pretend it doenst bother me. I act like it's an expectation, and stick around for any slack they need picked up. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of their attitude. I'm tired of all the cowardice. I'm tired of me.

I need a break. Hardcore.

I am amazing.

I just made and ate some strawberrie crepes with cool whip; and it was only 198 calories. Thats under 200! I impess myself, and they we're delicious! (and it was a good serving too... didn't skimp on these babeis!)

A-ha!

Theseposts are having shorter spans of time betwix them! I'm getting back to myself people! Whoo!!

Lemme just say, I have had one hell of a weekend. And I mean that in the most amazing terms possible. Nothing extraordinary stood out; I was drug to an inservice with my mom and brother, went car shopping with my parents, and had to explain to my dad that, yes I did like chicken but unfortunatly that is not a vegetarian item. IN regards to that it was rather mundain, albeit that I enjoyed mysel imensly. What made it SOOO extra special is that John drove me home. Granted; he's done it on more than one occasion and I have been know to do some driving in my own time; but he drove me home to be with my mom because I can't be there next weekend on her birthday. It really means a lot to me that he did that. I know he did it greatly at his expeanse as well. Lack of sleep for showing up to my race at the ass-crack of dawn, being dragged to my team brunch, dealing with traffic and crazy curves and driving like a bat outta hell in order to get me to my house before my mom got there to surprize her. Then he got even less sleep adn from what I heard watched a rather terrible movie and slept on dog-hair covered carpet that he had to share with 2 other bodies adn still only got a handful of sleep only to pick me up and drive me back home again; and then head back out to his place.

He earned some serious gold stars wiht my family. My dad got him a plate of food before dinner was done so he could have a meal and then go meet his friends; while being a normal person. He doesn't even do that for me!!! And I also overheard Pops thanking John while I finished gathering my junk together to leave for bring me out to spend time wiht my family. Everyone knows my dad doesn't do junk liek that. Needless to say; I got the best weekend in a long time out of this.

IN other news I got my body fat tested today; I weight 122.9 lbs, 24.9 of which is fat (20.2%) Thats a fifth of my entire weight. Eww. But 20% is healthy; he said the ave is 24-26% for college females of my height adn weight. w007!

Oh, and by the way; my boat got first in out race. :) Go lightweights, go.

another week

without updates. How busy I must be! Oh boy, am I ever. Don't I sound chipper? Wish I felt as good as I think I sound. But I also think that has a lot to do with the fact that I have a lot to get done; and not a lot of time to do it in. But at the same time I am looking at a rather free weekend here. Regatta tomorrow, John's coming out, so it should be an enjoyable day. But I have extra credit I need to do, regular work I need to do adn I am going to a crew meeting for anohter play tonight which looks like it is going to keep me away from my mom's birthday. And so is the crew car wash, and so will a mandatory work meeting. So I'm not feeling so hot because I had gross oatmeal and do not get to spend my mom's birthday with her. I dont even know what I am going to do about a present. Bleck. And Genaro email me asking me what availiability i have for usmmer. LIke I know.

Risotto!!!

I made it! From Scratch! Well; I didn't grow and pick the rice myself or anything, but it's as homemade as you can get after that! With onions, and garlic, and peas, and parmesan! How delicious it is! So good!

Anywas, on too Vegas! wasn't a particularly exciting weekend, I would have much rather have spent it on my couch at home being lazy adn not using my knees all weekend, but it's not what I got to do. What I did do, was hobble all over Vegas with my Mom. (and part of hoover dam as well.) I gto some awesome pictures. ALso got some retarded souvenires. What an interesting way to spand my Easter. Made me miss grandmas a bit (expecially since I didn't get home until 10:30 last night) And I am SICK and TIRED of buffets. Seriously.

Oh boy!

So I leave for Vegas today. I have no clue what we are going to do when we get there. Shopping is what I have heard, so we will see.

What a week I have had! I really need to start typing this more often. We've had double days all week. I even ran my dog htis morning even though no one was here checking up on me and I'm pretty sure my legs are going to detach at my knees any moment now. And Damn have I been tired! So tired; I have been breaking down in every sense of the word at some point this week. But this morning, instead of the sour mood I have been graced with this past week, I awoke unusually chipped and listo para el dia. (gotta throw some spanish in there) I ended up having a rather long conversation with John last night much to my dads dismay, seeing as he came out to my car on 2 occastions. But it was a necessary conversation and I think partially the reason I woke up so.... ready. I dunno. It's weird, but I think good will come of it.

Washington

Was awesome. So was Portland. Yes, I was in boht. The weather was amazing! (Yeah it was crudy and rained on us a little, but I happen to love weather like that) And we had a good time saturday night driving all around dowtown playing dare or dare and then truth or truth on the way back to the amazing hotel. (I will post pictures later) The scenery was amazing.Reminded me of how much I miss Northern California. I also got to drive a minivan for the first time, talk about feeling like a mom.

My boat did really well. We were in the JV open 4 event, but we were the lightweight B boat. We got second in our heat and 5th overall!!!! So proud of ourselves! Keeping up with the fatties; we even had a coach from another school come up and congradulate us on doing so well. It really got me pumped for WIRAs and Dad Vails. I kinda wish I had been in the lightweight 4 event, our A boat got first and we would have surley gotten secdon and some metals. Metals ar enice, but not everyone gets to get one.

The plane rides were pretty cool; I got to bond with boht Saras on the team. They are super cool. Had a run in with some non-vegetarian yoghurt (didn't know that existed.) but I liked the trip over all. Very enjoyable.

I am feeling a little funny right now though. NOt sure how I feel about this next week, double days and work. Trying to keep a positive outlook, but I jsut feel funky right now. Not really focusing and probably just need to get to bed. I think I'll do that.

haha!

I can cook pasta now too! I've sucessfully mastered more cooking within the past week than in the entire last year I have lived on my own and had to defend for myself. I am amaazing. With 2 A's.

Officially capable

of feeding myself. No need to worry about me dying of starvation. (cause I dont eat enough prepackaged food or anything) I made falafel yesterday, no mishaps, no smoke, no fire, only delicious, delicious falafel. Mmm! And I can make instant rice. That I made tonight. Also delicious;vexpecially together. Madre is very pleased with my cooking progress, as am I. NOt only is it good that I am figure this all out now, but I'm doing it in a stage in my life where I am obcessed with heathy eating, so farther down the road all this will be engrained in my head and so default for me will be nutricious and healthy! I am amazing, I know. :)

Berg Cup

The big spring regatta in Newport, The Berg Cup, was yesterday. I rowed bowseat in the lightweight 8 in the JV 8 event; adn we kicked some major ass. Not only did we win, but we were at least 2 boatlengths ahead and we only had 7 oars the last 250 of the race. Vanessas oarlock came undone, adn becauswe we were rowing so bad she couldn't keep rowing with us, but the other boats gained no seats. It was amazing. So stoked! This is really big for us, and Steve-o feels confident that we'll get in the rankings that come out next week. IRAs here we come! I am SO excited for WA next week, even though my knees are noticably sweeling now, woke up and felt it this morning. WEIRD. But I'm okay, I'm pushing through it and doing well.

We also sticked the play last night. I was way tired. So tired. But thats over and done with and I have my measly minutes back that they were taking away from me.

And we saw Wild Hogs yesterday. I love it. It was hilarious! John will say I liked it more than that, and that everyone else in the theatre will tell you the same. But I was way entertained; everyone should go see that movie!

oh wow

blog much? a not so much apparently. A full week from my last post. And I am writing this while awaiting quick changes in the play I am crewing for. I am doing well, very well infact. My knee decided to flare up again this morning in the boat, rather annoying and bothersome; but I am dealing with it rather well now. Something has changed this past week with me and rowing. I don't know what, finally having the will power to follow through with all the healthy eating I promise myself (which I bombed on today.... before a race. Friday is my one day a week I allow myself crud, althought I suppose that isn't good since we usually race on sunday:P) or maybe it was a simple change of attitude. Change from what, I'm not entirly sure, but it's been a good one adn one that Steve-o has seen and has pointed out to me more than once this week. He said more than once, completly unprovoked, that I am rowing well. This is good. Very good. He wont say anything unless it needs fixing or you have to asked him to get him to say somethign which then is also not becessarily good. So getting compliments without fishing from Steve-o means a lot. I also managed to drop a few pounds out of nowhere; however, I am pulling harder and rowing better, so I hardly think that Steve-o is going to argue with those results.

Nostalgia

I miss my cousins. Desperatly. Out of nowhere! I dunno why, I suppose it's the peppermint chamomile tea, it's what my grandma always has, and the smell reminds me of them adn their house and my aunt and all the thigns that come with visits to adn from them. Of Berkely, street fairs, beach days, thrifting, lounging, being lazy, scheming, driving way outta our way to watch random movies, more scheming, no follow through, indian rock, striping, hooker-fying each other, leopard sharks, fancy dining, beach, ocean, summer, imagination, creation, art, photos, filming, turkey, dress-up, ignoring my brother, the kid table, late nights, laughing so hard I pee my pants, not worrying about being the center of attention, people wondering how I fit into the mix with my 2 red-headed cousins, red-headed aunt and my red-headed mother, being yelled at by my grandma, being the middle child, having the closest unconditional friendship between 2 girls that I havn't found else where, getting the closest thing to sisters that I could get, not worrying about anything but that they/I leave on saturday afternoon. Nostalgia sucks sometimes. :(

what a day. totally not the update from the last week ro so of my life that I promised you. Like anyone who doens't already know reads this. To say the least, I am tired, stressed, frustrated, and now I'm feeling a little dread now that I looked up a symbol I had in a dream last night. The dream itself is hazy, but I clearly remember vomiting into my bathroom sink because I had eaten too much food and couldn't keep it down. I read somewhere(rather recently) that the dream of throwing up means that there is something that I need to reject or get rid of something that is negative in my waking life. I know what it is too. With all the crap I am doing, I know exactly what it is. Unfortunatly, I dont know if it's something I can do right now. So many things I need to straighten out, and I am sitting here telling you guys what it meant for me to barf in ym dream. Good time managment. Seriously. I need a freakin' vacation so I can take the time to organize my life to get everything in order because right now, I don't know right from left (not that I had a great idea in the first palce, but you get my point)

bah.

I can't belive I haven't updated since my birthday..... and I seriously dont have time now. I'll getcha'll up-to-date as soon as middys are over.... so at some point on friday or saturday most more than likely. Currently I am have an incredibly emo moment due to the fact that everything is happening at once and everybody has their own idea as to what is best for me. Advice? Just keep your mouth shut until sunday. For my own sanity. I've never had an anxiety attack, and I dont plan on starting now.

The big two-oh

and it's almost over. I got a lot of calls from friends back home, but not so many from family members like I was expecting. Thats okay though, kinda tired of talking on the phone at the moment. Thnks to everyone for taking time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday!! Your the best!!

Knocked Up

I am not, but does that look like a way-awesome movie! John adn I went and saw Ghost Rider last night, and boy, what a set of previews have never been witnessed before! Knocked Up, Resident Evil 3, some other funk I dont rememeber but was equally exciting. Oh, and the actualy movie was great too.

We didn't end up going to the Pirate show, but that was okay we had fun anyway. We wandered around 2nd street, harassed the girlsat the Erg table, raced John twice (he won both times, but I also fell off my erg and was barefooted; and it was onyl a 100m peice), but that was super fun. Then I made him go to George's Greek Cafe because he had never had greek food, adn I thought I had never been there, but for some reason upon looking at the soup selection I had a flash of remembrance and I think Robin adn I had lunch there once one one of our pre-collage escapades. Anyways, the food was awesome as always. Then we headed out for a movie, Ghost Rider adn wandered around the Barns and Nobles there until it started for about an hour. You'd think that after the first time he took me into a book store he wouold have learned his lesson, right? No, he didn't. And this time we had the time for me to go all crazy. Which I did. I kinda felt bad, because I go super ADD in stores, too much stimulation for such a short attention span(which is a lot shortrer than I had previously thought) needless to say, I was rather obnoxious and spazy. Then I found the craft book section. :) It was downhill from there. Once we hit the SciFi/Fantacy section it was mutally distracting and it was about time to go to the movie to ensure good seats anyway.

After the movie, we went to Golden spoon and got the best frozen yoghurt ever! Oh it was delicious! But instead of eating there we decided to go to the beach to eat them, in my car since they we closed, but then decided on the boat house instead, which closes at 10 (like I didn't remember) and so we parked at the park across the street, adn of course, after we finish our frozen yoghurt, the police show uo and demand both our ID's, and my registration and insurance. Apparently parks in Long Beach close at 10pm too. What a weird town, but I guess it's a smart idea. Whatever. We had a good laugh, long laugh afterwards. It just wouldn't be a night with us unless something retarded happened. Then we went back to my appartment and he left while I crashed on my bed; where I of course had forgotten to put the blanket and sheet back on my bed. But it was nice having a full 2 nights of sleep with no crew in the morning.

Did I mention my parents had a bouquet of gerber daisies delivered for my b-day uesterday? They did, it's beautiful. Pink, purple, yellow and orange. Hurray spring!

As for today, after sleeping in, my roommate made some banana muffins and shared them with me for my birthday. The day ahead of my looks rather unevent ful, going to finish cleaning the kitchen, finish changing my sheets, call Kay to get my muffin tin back for the cupcakes I will be making later today, catch up on some of my reading for school that I am ridiculously behind on. (It's hard to read text books when you have such nice personal reading books) But most importantly, it's a day where I am no going to be driving an hour and a half or more, back to the LBC. Letting my poor knees have the day off from a tedious day of driving. Thats my birthday present from myself.

ps: mango salsa is nirvana. never had it? go buy some at trader joe's imediatly and experience it for yourself. No joke.

Just another week!

And then it is official, but damn was it given a wonderful start last night! I haven't had a birthday like that for some time. John, in all his trickery, told me the night before that his 'big plans' had more or less fallen through, adn that instead of the crazy theatre dinner he had planned, we were just going to go out and have a regular dinner wherever I wanted. We left at 4(which I though unusually early) and had dinner at Chilis. He stealily 'forgot ' his phone and went about pretending to find it through texting with mine, adn then we headed back to his apartment. When we got there he let me in to a GIANT bouquet of roses, which Chris had so thoughtfully placed the white one I had recieved earlier adn more than the normal ammoutn of people then are usually present when I am there. Apparently, there were supposed to be a great deal more people there to yell 'surprize!' but people are people, and there was only Erik and Garret and Chris and Heather along with the usual Jarvis to greet me. More people arrived, Chris adn Joel drove up from SD, his cousin Nick and his gal came over after Nick got off work, Robert showed after he got off work and Sarah also arrived after she got off work, fully equipped with angel food cake, strawberries, whipped cream and candels; and then they sang me happy birthday and eventually we all sat down in a room not equipped with enough chairs to watch Talladega Nights. It was so-so awesome! It was really nice to see how many people cared enought to take time out of their busy days to wish me, their friends girlfriend, a happy birthday. I dont even know half of them that well, but they came out anyways. :) Some drove for an hour or more for it.

And next weekend, John is taking em to see the Pirates dinner show for my actual birthday. How excited am I? And I think I'm going to make the crew gals go to breakfast with me that morning too. And the weekend after that I am also going home for a race and am going to have a big family dinner for my birthday too. Apparently Papa has beena sking about having me a fmaily b-day, which is cool, because he never really cared about me before. Now that he is sober howrever, he's been all kinds of interested adn coherent adn talkative. It's a nice change.

So, from a rather terrible and crudy week, was an amazingly fantastic weekend.:) That boy really out does himself....

"This is Frustrating. I'm getting really frustrated."

That'll nevver get old. Strong Sad is the only one who truly understands me at the moment. Except I'm not that emo.

Anyways, I've had quite a short fuse this past week. Something I can't explina, because the only reasons I really have, have surfaced between last night at work and this night on the phone. Last night at work, Corla, one of my managers, was picking on me. Not teasing me about whatever in good fun, I can shake that crap off reletivly quick when I know that people dont mean it. But she was nit-p[icking every single little thing I did. I hate micromanagment. I know i'm guilty of it, I dont mean too, and am generally good about making it sound like I'm being sarcastic to mask the micro-ness of it all. And usually (as micro-managing she normally does) I'll say "I'm on it!" or "Way ahead of 'ya!" and she say something along the lines of "Rae-of course." or "Cool- thats awesome!" but last night it was just followed by more nit-picking and contradictory statments. I can pass the 1st half of the night off to me having extremly low blood-sugar, but the other half was all her.

Then I coxed this morning, was struggling a bit because I was unprepared, but nothing terrible. Again, the micromanagment. The "suggestions" on things that they knew, if not conciously then subconciously, that I knew. I also hate that. And with all the emotional baggage I've managed to pick up this year from crew, making me feel like I dont know what I know not only pisses me off but makes me second guess myself and generally feel terrible because I'm not as self-sufficent as I should and would like to be, even if I am more so. I've found myself back in coxswain/rower hell, and this time it's the other way around, because the novice see me as a rower and so do the varsity and the coxes, so as soon as I get myself a coxbox I'm under the microscope adn scrutinized and am told how to do what I know how to do and ignored by those who feel like I have no right being in the coxing seat. It hurts. And it's doubly painful when those who particularly know that it hurts, seem to feel like I'm just a passer-by, a seat filler. It sucks rather badly.

Then there was the conversation I had with my dad who I desperatly would have liked to have with my mom. Apparently, on my birthday, it's necessary for me to drive 1.5 hrs to and from San Diego (random note: I just got a call froma co-worker's "best friend in the world" who is in town for only a few days [i have no idea who it was, they never gave me their name] and really wanted me to come by to my co-workers place [who lives near me] to do whatever they were doing with them. What a conversation that was!!). Why is that a problem? Only that my driving leg is on super-hiatus. Thought it was getting better, but a wonderful erg peice the otherday totally ruined that little fantasy. I dont even have time to see a doctor, or for my mom's piece of mind an acupuncturist, because my time is gone. And I am lacking in sleep massively. But back to my dad, who felt it necessary to guilt me about what I decided to do on my birthday. "Your going to spend your birthday all alone?" (Apparently John doesn't count as a person anymore, or padre decided to ignore that fact that he was actually going to do something, or maybe he didn't hear me, or wasn't listening, probably a combo of the latter two) So what if I want to spend my birthday alone? It's my birthday. I can do as I damn well please. And if I decide that I am driving no father than 15min away and am going to take a relaxing break for the first time since this crazy semester of mine begun, thant I am damn well going too adn I dont need a freakin' guilt trip about it. He is more than welcome to make the 1.5 hr drive up here to see me on my birthday if he wants, otherwise he can deal with it.

What he doesn't seem to understand is my lack of time. He says he does, then he goes off on how I need to make time, but he understands that I can't. What the crap does that mean? I run in circles with that man, I swear. I even had a dream the other night where all I wanted the entire dream was to get away from him and he was following me and pissing me off the whole time.

What is boils down to it that I'm at a point where the best thing is just to let me vent for the sake of venting, and then let me figure out the rest on my own. People who are used to helping me and taking care of me are now just getting in the way and being a pain so they can feel important when they are just making it harder for me. I think sometimes the best thing for me now is to jsut be left alone so I can figure it out for myself. I know advice may be nice and helpful, but I am not in a receptive mood. Not now, not yestrday, not tomorrow, probably not until summer if ever. It sucks, but I need to know how to take care of myself. So just let me take care of myself. I may not do a good job, but who does? I do better than most.

Top it all off? I've been thinking really hard about the lecture my costume teacher gave about her job, which is what I want to do. There is so much more to it than I ever imagined, adn it's daunting and intimidating. And she spoke of passion, and that if you have passion for something then you will make it work somehow. And I'm just wondering if, when the time comes, am I going to be able to force myself to make that step? Or am I going to be waiting for those people I've relied on to make the step for me, which they cannot do, and therefore I miss my opportunity. I know I need help, but it's just coming from the wrong people.

I was honestly fine, up until I talked to John, where I guess all my pent up frustration just burst out into a bitch fest. I feel like Brentan or somethign. This turned out way more emo than I planned on. I think I understand this frustration a little better though. It's an uphill battle from here on, and I need this knee adn ankle adn leg to be able to push me up it.

:\

heartburn sucks eggs. For Serious. But I dont think those m-n-m's I just ate helped much. I am really terrible at preventing this. Did I mention that my dinner was a burrito with red pepper hummus? I'm practically asking for it. I am teirrible.

In other news, my lappy both works and is cleaned, took it in to Comp USA this afternoon adn they power cleaned it for me. What guys. But I think I'll buy the compressed air myself next time and save myself the $12.

YouTube makes me smile. Sometimes I forget what I have saved on that beast. It's great. Go. Now.

ps: Please dont throw the Jew down the well. (hurray Borat!)

Can't go 6 mo w/out an incident!

Thats right! This time I spilt tea on my lappy's keyboard. Smooth, I know. Using John's lappy to make this update, so hopefully when I get back to my pace later today it will be dry and working. (crosses fingers!!!)

Other than that, have had a super busy week. Hectic, but mostly good. John came out wed. for Valentines and we ordered in and I fell asleep during a movie (of course) had a wonderful 19 hour day on Thursday, then spilt tea on my lappy Friday morning after crew. After crew on sat I headed out here to San Bernardino to hang with John and we went on a double date with his roomy Jarvis and girlfriend Sarah miniature golfing. Jarvis and I made it into the Hole-in-one club while John tried to skip holes, it was great. Then we got some in-n-out and watched the Labyrinth (finally a movie I have seen which John hasn't!) And we are just being lazy today and relaxing, because I don't get nealy enough of either one of those any more.

ps: Hurray Jefe and his moving on in some tournament or what not with his team! \/\/007!

Hey!

For those who dont know, I've given up meat. I dunno if I have let everyone know that yet, but I have. But it's just between me and the animals. I dont expect you to stop eating meat, or to not eat it in front of me, nor am I going to try adn get you to stop eating meat. But heres the deal: you dont give me crap for being vegetarian. I repect your choice of eating meat, and I espect you to respect mine of not eating it.

:D

I am having a good day, even though I forgot my sweatshirt in the lockroom for 4 hours. It was still there when I got back :)

SO, my first-week-of-semester jitters are gone. I'm okay with where I am. I also talked to Katie today, which was nice. I havn't heard form her in a while. I told her my sitchuation, and she said something that made me feel really good. Now, I had come to this conclusion already, and my mom and John have said the same thing and so have other people, but it was nice to hear it from someone who was there with me in the day, and really knows what it was all about. She said, after I told her how my time was about to go out the window due to Crew, School, Work and Theatre, that I was going to be able to handle it fine. I dont know why, but it just made me feel so much better. Not overwhelmed anymore. I used to handle all sorts of junk like this when I was in high school, and I think that I have just been spoiled the last semester or so, because it was crazy my second semester too. I know I am going to have some rough times, and I am bound to have some breakdowsn (my calls home have already shot up from last semester.) But this year I have something else in equations different from last year, adn that is John. I dont know if that'll make how I handle things differently, but we'll see. I am making it a point, right now by telling you, whoever bothers to read this, that I am not going to let things get me so stressed out this year that I have constand breakdowns and let myself get upset easily. I will make me time if it kills me (and likly it will) but I see this as being a good year for me. (much better than the last at least! No stolen laptops to be had. :)

Today

has been a good day. The first good monday, in fact, for sometime. While I did get my, seemingly traditional, heavy senesation of stress and guilt with my first class because we talked about crewing, which seems to be becoming a problem for more than just me it seems. Not enough peoplem in the class means more crews we all have to do, adn I simply do not have that time. She now knows that, but I still may have more responsibilities that I need to shoulder. Blech. But other than that, my day has been rather mellow and rather nice really. It was way to hott for the thermal I decided to wear. I had a most fantastic swim workout. Good breakfast, acceptablt lunch, am finding out every class that I am way more advanced than everybody in my costume lab, had a good 1/2 hour to knit because I worked so far ahead. Am way happy with my make-up class. And my teacher seems to think I may have prospects of a double major afoot. That means more core classes I have to take, but an art degree may not be as far fetch'd as I orgininally thought. I'll bug her more about that on wedness day, but it was a nice little lift to what is generally a bleck outlook on the rest of the week. And my shoes-for-crews shoes came in today. So happy! So excited! Happy feet I shall have! \/\/007!

An end to the week.

No more pastries! (at least mostly) I had a wonderful end to a rather stressful adn hectic week, which looks to be what next week is going to look like. I have-to, HAVE-TO find some time this week to see what books I need to get and order them. Then I have to assess my financial sitch. so I know where I stand on food and crew and rent and all that fun jazz. I think my list making days are due for a come-back. I have to organize like a beast and I need to do it now. I also need to get rid of things that I need no longer.

Anyway, John and Jarvis made dinner for Sara and I last night. It was cheese raviollis with garlic sauce, garlic bread and salad. No meat, just for me. :) I could have even had the bacon bits if I so pleased.... as there was no bacon in them. Which made me less likely to eat them than had they been real bacon bits. But the dinner was delicious, and we ate it while watching Superman ("Louish Wane?") Then John and I watched a series of terrible movies on TBS or fox or whatever until Jarvis got back from work and watched the super bowl. Nice and relaxing. I also got to meet his buddy Aaron and his buddy Eric who looked like a blonde Jack Black. They were way entertaining. We totaly ran off when John went to the bathroomk to to freak him out. It was hilarious! Ah... good times. Then we shopped for terrible sunglasses, adn browsed the Sharper Image. Always fun. My weekends (what I get of them that is) should be good. Expecially if I get to spend them with John. We always mange to have fun when there is nothing to do, and making fun out of nothing are the best kinds of friends to have. Kenna, Carla, your in that boat too! What a great start to my week.... so off I go to prepare!

More pastries than you can shake a stick at.

Seriously. Estimated at 60lbs, and $300 worth of pastries sitting in my living room. Saved from the trash at Starbucks because none of us could bare to see so many freakin' food items go to waste. Hope the girls dont mind day old scones at crew. The boys too. So much pastry!!! (yeah, I used the singular form of that noun as the plural, whatya gonna do 'bou'dat?!) Needless to say I'm not very hungry for dinner. Ate some toast anyways, perhaps some strawberries or pita in a moment. Working for an extra hour and a half is not as bad as I thought it would be either.

My week is finally at it's close, and I still can't seem to find time to do any of the thigs that I need to do. I made a 99 cent store run and managed to spend $26 on stuff. Probably a lot I dont need; mom's right, I shouldn't go there un supervised. Matter-of-fact, prolly a bad idea to let me loose any where on my own. Still havn't been able to make it to the grocery store. I have enough carbs and startches, but as Kay so graciously pointed out, if I ate more veggies and fruits I'd probably break less often. Quite litterally. She said I would 'stop breaking.' I'll see if there's anyway for me to make a Whole Oats or whatever it's called run; according to Granma they're the same people as Henry's, but Henry's is just mostly produce (best at that) so NI'm hoping for some wuality items. The strawberries at the 99 cent store are rather good. As long as you catch them at the right time of the day you are golden for food. I swear.

And I found a Stitch-and-Bitch day page-a-day calendar at the 99 cent store too. I am way excited about that too. :)

Day 3

Missed day two because I left my house at 5:15am and returned around 11pm. 18 hour days are not my favorties. Needless to say, I will not be adding the bio lab lecture from 7-9:45 tuesday nights. Nor, do I believe, will I be adding nay more classes. 15+ units, + crew, + the bucks is more than adequat for me to handle I think. So, however much I want a class with Carla, and then Sara and Trina on top of that, and Valerie, I do not think it is meant to be. Crew and Crewing will be full time jobs in themselves, and boy! Did I miss the fun of trying to balance a sport with theatre! What times I had and am sure to have. I'm a little upset that I will have to crew on weekends, but that's teh grunt work I get to do before I can get to choose when and where I do what. It just better not mess with my birthday, thats all I'm saying.

And I've been stressing in both my classes today as we had to sign up for crew work, both for costumes AND make-up; luckily she wants us to do them on the same production. Lucky me. They are all a month or more long. Totally going to conflict with at least 2 crew events and then family things. Fantastic.

ON a good note, I swam my first timed 100 free today in 1:14!!!! I know that means squat to anyone reading this, but it excites me very much. For not having swum since summer, and then only breifly, and before that not since my senior year of polo, it is an amazing time. My fastest was a 1:09 my frosh year of high school. No joke. I am totally going to be swimming faster than that at the end of the semester. No problems there. The small things that keep me happy are sure to keep me sane this second semester of mine. Wish me luck!

Phase II begins.

And I so hope it's not a foreshadowing (boy, I have used that word so often today) of the months to come. It was crazy hectic, and I didn't even have crew this morning. Class, doctors, class, doctors lunch during class, checks deposited, lil reading time, class, jo-anns, dinner, shower, crash at 7:30. I even got up at 6:30 to make crepes for the first day of classes in order to get off to a good start. (probably didn'y help that I ate all of them.) So I have had a full day even though it was only syllabus day. Found out about 1-2 units I'll be needing more on top of the 18 I already have, and if it wasn't for crew I know I'd have no problem, but now I'm wondering if I should just not bother with bio like I had previously planned. I dont want too, because it's with Carla, but I dont know if I can handle that load that I have. Crew, other crew, work, school, so much mroe than I bargained for. I'll be at the school late, late, late for costume and make-up crewing and be getting up early, early, early for rowing crew. I dont even know what I am going to do with crew this semester, my knees seem to be getting worse, not better, and I got my results back today. No breaks, no arthritis, but a low platlet count. So I got another blood test (I'm getting better, but it still is not somethign I go to stress-free) today to see if it was just low that day, or if it's constantly low. If it's still low in this test, then they are going to 'refer me out.' Basically that means it's something the school can't handle and I have to see my own doctor and a hematologist to see what up and if it's whats causeing my knee pain. More than likly not whats causeing the pain, but that still means that we have a symptom but no cause and I'm not better nor worse than when I began. It seems as though this is going to be a longer process than what I though when I began. It's not a simple 'your broken' or 'your diseased' 'have some pills and PT,' so we'll see.

My costume class looks fun. Make-up too. And I am looking forward to swimming like no one's business. We'll see where the semester takes me, and I'm hopinh I'm not going to need my weekends as recoup time, but I fear they will be.

Phase 1: Complete

Double days are done with. Over. Kaput. Until spring break. On a side note I'm not in beach sprints. Steve-o wants me to get my legs all figured out. Have my follow up on monday, so then we will see if I'm good to go. I may just be crazy, but I'm not the one who said naything first, it was Brian noticing my rowing, but I still feel bad. I am obviously not rowing nor erging correctly because of it, but it's such just and annoying pain as opposed to escrutiating that I feel like I am complaining about nothing, but I'm also not complaining to the people who are most worried by the effects it is causing me to have. Such a pickle, I know. Hopefully they can just give me some super pills and send me off to PT, but we will see if it is something worse. I'm crossing my fingers.

Phase 2 starts on monday with the first day of school. I'm both excited and anxious. I dont know how I'm going to handle all the stress I'm sure to be getting, so hopefully it will be a gradual increase and not just a giant bombardment. And hopefully the theatre people wont unnecessarily stress me out. I doubt they will, but then again there was Ms. Howell. I am excited though. And Starbucks is going to be a blast. I'm working every week with Jason and Ij, I dont remember if I had any with Sara and Allyson, but hopefully Gabby, Andy, Eila and Shenelle will have some hours with me too. I'm am so pro, passsed my barista certification with flying colors, a 97 and 5 stars! I was BALLIN'! Hehe.... I love the 'bucks.....

Almost there....

Well, with tapering week well underway and my barista certification tonight, school is just a stones throw away. I am beat, tired and still a little sick (I caught the stomach flu on saturday, w007! not) My knees are also pending, but hey, school will beign soon with ym theare classes and all will be chill. Had a mini-break down with my mom last night over my knees (they better NOT be arthritic) but I'm okay now. I went to work and was fine. I love those guys, they are SO awesome to work with! I am definitly looking forward to being a barista at the library. Unfortunatly, my theory that the'bucks messes with my system holds true. I love the coffee and the drinks, but they kill me inside. :( No worries though, don't know what to order? Ask me, I'll be able to tell you something you'll like, fo'sho.

Blech

I just finihsed some cinnimon weight watchers oatmeal, yuck. As soon as the box is done, I am not eating that junk again. I highly advise against it. Such a bad sweet-n-low after taste. Now I remember why I dont get diet foods. Ick. Gotta stich to the antural junk, like Larabars, cherry pie's only ingredients are date, almonds and cherreis. Delicious.

Well, besides grossing myself out with too much oatmeal for dinner, I've had a good if not absolutly FREEZING day. It hit record lows in LA county today. I hear we here in the LBC broke our record from 1963 (when my mom was born) of 35 degrees. The record was 36. Can you say eww? SoCal should not be this cold. I want to say it was worse than when I went out to San Bernardino. SO cold. Even though I layered for crew with more than I should have needed, and planned on shedding, I was still freezing. Then I didn'y have a jacket to match my work outfit, so i went without. I am crazy. Nearly shook the table I was shivering so hard. But I ended up remembering that I had a black jacket in my car (albeit to large by far) so I jammed down there on my 15 min break. Boy did I book it, generally a 15 min walk both ways casual, 10 if your trying to hurry; I made it there and back again with time to spare, not running. I was way proud. And warm. :D

Finally started on Carla's gifts. Need to get a new foot for my machine so I can work with the fabric. Need to go home for stuffing for the other. Have a million projects buzzzing around my head for everyone. Hopefully by the time I can get to some of them it will be their birthday or an acceptable occasion to give it to them!

my, my, my...

It has been a while. And after reading my last post, I suppose I should update, because I am not nearly as broken and as upset with crew as I had previously been. Since throwing up my pain killers, I have felt much, much better. My back almost immediatly stopped hurting after my shower, my knees haven't really acted up too, too much (except when my legs just dangle... then they bug) and I've been pulling my lowest spilts since then too. I've got my rhythm back, I found my 'groove.' It makes me happy.

Orientation and begining of training on friday was... interesting. I dont imagine it will be terribly exciting, but I will give this a shot. I find it funny though. we were asked to make a list of qualities we look for in employment. One girl said it was important to her to believe in the product, and I couldn't help but giggle to myself becasue I am one of the biggest avocates against Starbucks that I know. I mean, I dont petition, I do boycott, mostly because they're drinks kill me inside (combo of too much caffine and heartburn issues. How tea can give you heartburn is a mystery to me, but Starbucks has certainly mastered that art.)

Spent the majority of my weekend with John and Jarvis. Went to Mindy's (John's cousin's) birthday party. Leave it to me to break the gimp more(I tapped Chris' poor shoulder...oops!) He's okay. Then we proceded to play more ful contact party games. Fruit basket, a strange Lap game (Jarvis and I seemed unable to get away from one another, and continuously in the oposite direction of John and Robert. But it was Jarvis who endded up on both of their laps, it was wuite and amusing game. We'll have to play that some time with the peoples down in SD. It was good times.) But we all had fun, gotta meet even more new people. I didn't even have a weird social freak-out like I normally do. Nor did I the night before at the Party Animal's party (where I appropriatly dressed as Animal. MUPPETS FOR LIFE!!)

All in all, amazing weekend. But now to figure the final details of Carla's b-day presents.... which I have yet to start. Oops! Off I go!

(ps: check out facebook for pictures of me as animal!)

The Bain of my Life

And I am trying not to complain about it. I complain a lot, I know, and genreally it's just me venting. Like the bain of my life being crew, which it isn't. But damn, am I sorry that I didn;t stay in shape. Am I sorry that I didn't follow through with my swimming plans this evening. Owch. I am trying not to complain too, too much, expecially since I think there may be a few things to actually worry about. My knees for one, not feeling any better. My ankles been doing fine, adn my back is holding up. My mom keeps reminding me to pop the 'prophen before bed for my aches and pains, I can't seem to remember that it is more than just a pain releiver, but a inflamation reducer as well. I just have a difficult time taking medicine that has not been perscribed by my doctor to take on a regular basis. I also need to stretch more. I have a swimming class next semester instead of weight lifting, so that should help out considerably. I really wish Michelle had gone swimming with me tonight... I am such a pansey when it comes to doing things on my own. I should kick myself in the butt. Eh, it's who I am, gonna take a little more than a sore back to change that. OH! And the blisters are back in action, oh yeah. And since my face is wicked chapped from the polo game, I have to put my face grease on, but I am going through a random and very unwelcome zit attack. NO clue where it came from, almost had it under control, until my flesh decided to peel off in a most uncomfotable way. No fair, no fun.

I also finished season one fo the Muppets today. I am very sad. Now I have nothing to watch while I sew. :( Guess I'll have to live with the movies I have.... good ones, but I've seen them all before..... gah. I also need good ideas for Carla's birthday present. It needs to be good, because I have a feeling she's going to be coming back to a ton of crap that she doens't need to deal with as soon as she arrives, but will have too. That's how it works with her. She attracts it. I'm sure I"ll come up with somethign, I just dont want to give her something that she's not going to use or she's not going to want, ya'know? I hate giving/receiving gifts like that. Maybe I'll make that ribbon pouch like I wanted, but then I'll also make her a travel mug and some picture collages and framed junk. And a new CD mix for her pod. Sounds like a good deal. Maybe I'll even get my act together and make her a super hero. She'd appriciate that. I think that's what I'll do. Maybe make her a stuffed crab as well..... hrmm....... ideas, ideas! Suggestions are welcome, I mean I force crap onyou guys all the time, so dont be afeared to tell me what's been good and what has not!

Welp, off for a stretch, a shower, and a good book to read until I fall asleep. :) Hurray Huck Finn!!!

Crew Attack!

Ahhhh!!! So big day, with a buncha free time, but still a big day.

1st: Back at crew, polo on saturday was definitly a bad plan. Work out junk work hits me a good day and a halfto two days after the fact, and boy am I feeling it! And After all that erging this afternoon my legs/feet/stpuid ankle are totally feeling it. Owie. Whatev, I'll live.

2nd: I got a job! I will be a barista at some Starbucks affiliated organization on campus. Unfortunatly it's not an actual starbucks, it's only a licenced store, but hell, I'll live. I dont eve like Starbucks. Working for the enemy! I'm a stealthy spy! W007! Love it. :)

Byaaaaaah!

What a day, what a day. Had my alumni polo game. Didn't win, but we still owned. If only we had had a practice..... But it was fun. We enjoyed ourselvs. It was fantastically fun. I miss those girls. :(

Later Jefe and I went and got boba, and then I kicked his as at Boxing and bowling on Robin's Wii. I'm a winner. For serious. Chris and I also had a lovely disscussion over the series of Zelda games, good times. FIrst paycheck I get I am buying that game for the gamecube, no joke.

And she's back together again!

Well, I managed to scroung up a coachin job yesterday. Sometimes it's nice having a mom who runs the world. (world of Lifeguards that is) A'fore that I was proclaimed cancer-free by my dermatologist and after coaching I went to Boba with ym boys before Shane Had to leave. Which is today in about this moment. Bye bud! Safe flight!

Then I finagled a breakfast this morning with my coach and my mom. We had fun, he didn't even flinch when my mom mention 'boyfriend.' He's excited that I may have a regatta up by him in Seattle. It would seriously rock if he was able to come and watch. I'll have to get him the info so he can work that junk out. Then my mom and I went and got haircuts, not sure what I think of mine yet. Might just be funky, I dunno. Over it. Starbucks called and wants to set up an interveiw, I want to call them back, but I'm afraid they will want to set it up before I am back in the LBC, which I suppose is fine but I'd prefer not to have to drive all over that place. What I do for a job. Honestly. Whatever.

Waiting to go to lunch with Kenna.... haven't seen her all vacation! I( have her junk to give her and am looking forward to it.) So I think I'll call Starbucks after that sh'bang. Then I am off to see John tomorrow! So this whole vacation thing is becomeing less and lessboring for me as the time passes! w007! Next I need to do is call Robin and Katie so we can hang.

Happy New Year!

Yeah it's a day late, so what? I was unconditionally tired yesterday. But New Years was good, if not a bit lack-lustre, and by lack-lustre I mean only the part right before midnight where we were watching South Park and I passed out and no one was going to wake me up for midnight. I only woke up because my pillow(John) was leaving to take the boys home since it was midnight. Losers. No New Years spirit. But before that Nick and Brandon and I went on a wildgoose hunt for icecreame (before 9, before even 8:30) only to find everything closed. EVERYTING. Then we got back to Chris work(where John was waiting with him) only to sidcover that Hollywood video had the coveted icecream we were looking for. Bitches. Seriously. But I was way over it at that time. Before that I drug John over to Shanes where they all got to meet each other. It went well. John feels better now that he has met Shane, and I'm sure Shane feels the same way. Now if only Jeff adn John could meet..... then we'd all be set! But all in all it was a good new year.... I feel bad that I didn't call Robin though, but by the time we got to my place I ate and passed out, and the boys were watching South Park, I dont think she'll be too upset about missing that. But I still need to go get some boba with her, and her boy if he is still in town. So I have a both busy and boring week ahead of me before I go back to the Beahc and DIE.