hey!

I know it's obvious, but I changed the layout. Comments are appriciated. :)

Friday

My first week back at school is officially over. Although my classes look like they are going to be challenging; I am way excited to be learning the things I'll be learning. I'm off on the right foot for note-taking too! My 4.5 day weekend started yesterday when my last class got out at 12:15. Today I plan on cleaning the appt, becaus eit's pretty much never going to be clean. I need to get a swiffer, or broom and pan; and a mop. We have an ant problem, so I should probably go get some raid too. :( I dont like killing things no matter what they are. I need to get the rest of my books today, and I managed to save around $180 by buying my book offa Amazon and Adia's. A few things I can't get anywhere else: my geology lab workbook(it's the special 'CSULB' edition) and my sack of rocks. That's right; I need a sack of rocks for my class. How much did it cost you say? $50. Tax on that is $4.13; I know because I spent $54.13 on a sack of rocks. And let me tell you, these rocks are not worth $50 dollars. I'm also going to suck it up and buy my other geology book at the Book Store because I need it this weekend to do home work. :/ It'll be my most expensive book at $70! I think this semester I have a total of 13 books and a sack of rocks I have had to get for this semester. Oh the price of learning. :P

Over all, I am way happy to be back in the LBC! There are a few things I miss (you know who you are!) but then there are things I am extremly grateful to be away form. (some time offa work for one....) And my little friend from the other day seems to have scurried off for the time being (and no, she's not an actual person. I do appriciate the effort from those who cared though!) adn so today should be rather enjoyable. My roommate has gone home for the weekend, so the place is all mine! There's a birthday tonight which should be fun, and then a crew meeting tomorrow which I am way excited for! (Can't wait to see those gals!) And then I'll figure out what to do from there. Four day weekend here I come!

mr. bland

that's how I feel now. I think an old friend is visiting today, and I havn't seen her since Pirates came out. At least I haven't noticed anyways. Most of the time I know exactly why she's here, I have a rought idea, but she shouldn't be causing me to feel this mundain and boring. But I guess it's not really mundain, more of lethargy and complacency. It's the one big thing I dont like about me, complacent. But when I'm not people hate me and I dont handle that well; at least not from certain people. She's probably just here to remind me that yes, I'm back at school, and yes, it's going to be the same as last time and yes, your really on your own and your not going to take advantage of it. I generally dislike her as a rule, but she keeps me thinking. Thinking aboutn life and about where I am in it. She causes unrest, and displacement and confusion andbewilderment, but I dont know what I'd do without her. Maybe one day I'll have to get seen because of her, but I'm trying my hardest not too. I dont want to be one of them, I want to be stronger than that. I'm a strong person, but sometimes I wonder if I'm tricking myself into thinking things like this. But then I wonder if I lie to myself, and if I do lie to myself how can I know what I trully feel or who I trully am? Then I wonder if I can trust my own judgement; it has failed me in the past; not often, but recent. Maybe I've lost my touch. Maybe it's because I'm losing all the magic from when I was young. I dont want to stop believeing, because when I do I know it wont ever happen. I dont know how to tell myself to believe when I cna't even belive in myself. I dont like answering that question counselours always ask, where will you be in 5, 10, 20 years? Not because I have a bad imaination, but because I canread reality too well and I really can see where I'll be in that time. And I'm afraid of who I'll be. That's why I run away. I can't handle that fact that that's what I'm going to be in 5 years or 10 or 20. And it's not what I'll be doing, it's how I will be acting. Sometimes, liek now, I wish I knew how to meditate so I could jus ttune everything out. I wish there was a wya to temporarily remove my self from being, just to get a break. I'm finally on my break, and it's not helping my situation before I came out here. I ndont want to go back to cold stone, I dont want to see a counselour, I dont want to go home I dont want to be here. I need to be seated at the bottom of a pool, or the ocean, or a lake or river or whatever. I need to be somewhere else. I wish she would leave, I dont want her company anymore, and I fear that other's company wouldn't drive her away either. And the only reason I wont tell my mom is because i know that's where her next visit would be, but she might decide to stay and send her sister. What am I doing, where am I going, why am I not there yet? Maybe she'll help me find some answers. We'll see. I hope she leaves tomorrow.

(I know that must be rather confusing; but do not fear. It was nothing for you to understand. But for who ever can guess the friend I'm talking about will receive a batch of their choice of cookies or a cake or other baked good. :)

First day of class

Classical Archeology + no papers = awesome.
Geology + 120 students enrolled = interesting.
4 hours between classes + nothing to do = a trip to target.

My day has been there to say the least. Nothing really interesting happened. Talked to Carla, saw Chase and he followed me around for a while. I wonder when crew starts? Eh, I'm sure I'll get a myspace message.

Talking to JOhn about dreams, I really want to have one now; it's been a good month since my last one. I'll make sure to think about that when I go to sleep. I'm a dream freak. Add that to my list of quirks and random talents.

My last night

was last night. It was cool. Was punctual for my staff dinner, had some fun. Told the people at Corvette Diner that it was Megans birthday(it is on tuesday) and so they sang her happy birthday. We were amused. The we were an hour and a half late for boba, which was interesting. Robin and I got a farewell game of DDR, and I saw my girls one last time before I leave for a while. The John took me over to see the dogs he's sitting, and I passed out while watching cartoons. Overall it was a good night, I got to see all my firends and spend more time with my guy before I leave. It never ceases to amaze me that I finally work throught things right before I leave. I suppose it's good that I don't leave with bad feelings and memories, but it'd be nice to not have crap to deal with for a change. I guess that's why I go to Long Beach. :D Welp, I need to finihs my packing and head up to the LBC.

I MISS YOU ALREADY!