Billy Graham, babbling old bastard. I really do not liek my dad right now.... i was hoping to never say:"Hey, I was there before that old guy died! He preached, and i listened!" and so the self loathing begins. I really can't stand me anymore. it's harder and harder every day. I can't belive i can't just pick up a phone and talk to someone. I wish i could, i know i know people who would stop what they were doing to listen to me, but i just can't. i am so screwed up! i really am at a self hating point right now.... i've lost all social abililties. even with friends whome i've know since i was 9. how sad is that? it makes me wanna cry. i know i'm missing so much...but i can't help it. i liked it better when i never did anything with anyone except at school. i was happy, and content being like that. but now i can't. it makes me so mad! I hate everything around me, but i love the people. I want to keep themwith me, but i push them away, and i dont even know how. I try not to let them leave, but i dont want to over whelm them and make them want me to leave. i'm so sad right now.... i want to talk to some poeple, but i dont know where they are.......

when people knew about this journal, i got it all spiffed up. i got a tag board, and a little comment thingy. but nobody used them. nobody cared. I look at my other friends who have web journals with a comment section to each post, and they always have one, or many commetns. i never got a single one. no, thats a lie, i had one, but she was just seeing if the thing worked. i've closed myself off from everyone. and now i wanna cry.