kenna's birthday was yesterday. it was a bonfire, it was fun. i went early to snag a pit at la jolla, but there wasn't any.(we went at 11:00, and the party wasn't til 6!!!><) i got a major sun burn on the back of my legs. whoop. i had fun, it was great. we did end up getting a fire pit at 9:00, when a croud left with their mass amounts of children. it was fun. creepyness, almost everybody pared up. with the exception of chrys, travis who is slightly gay aparently, samantha b., and kevin who already has a girl friend who was not there. Zack sat on sela's lap, and dan(cabin boy) got with betsy. it was cute.

but i'm kinda bummed now. i finally got to talk with mastt last night, after like, not doing so for days. but now i dont feel any better. but it's not his fault, it's mine. i'm mad at me. i can't express myself, and it makes me mad. he's trying to get me to talk...and i can't seem to. i really dont like my self. i really wanna get help, but i can't. thats part of my problem. i feel so bad... and people can tell. But i just tell them i'm tired, not feeling well, an that my sun burn hurts. even though all of thats true, it's not the reason for how i'm feeling and acting. i wish i could just tell people how i feel..... i mean i can't even do that with kenna, or my mom. and i feel horrible for that too. last night chrys complained that she was the only one of us four(Her, myself, robin and kenna) who wasn't with someone. but she's not gonna be alone soon.....i hate to say it, i wish i could do something, but it's like every time i prepare my self to actually do it.....my brain shuts down and i can't think.