just got back from the denits... flourite was really gross. i think it was supposed to be tangerine... but i dont really know. BUt i was supposed to go to the office to leave at lunch and not get a pass...... but i honestly didn't know and my mom was super pissed at me. because she was going to take me and my brother to lunch...... darn. i was kinda looking forward to that.

i also found out my best friend is doing((i shouldn't say that, apparently she's only done it once)) something we both said we were never going to do. i know people change, heck i've done lots of that! but it seems as if she's just leaving me completly out of the picture. yet she continues calling me her best friend. show's how much of a loser i really am. My friends stopped inviting me places when i was doing sports and had no free time. I'm still really devoted to my sports but somehow i've managed to get some extra time on my hands and i seem to spend it all alone. a lot of stuff we should do together is spent with other people((her)) or by our selves.((me)). I wish i could have a party or something, but my house is boring, my family sucks, and i my self aren't a very good hostess. i guess i should do something about it, but i really can't. in middle school she always said she would do sorts with me. and she tried to. but as soon as she didn't make the volleyball team she quite, that was it for her and sports. one time she went to water polo, didn't like it and quit. swimming? not since elementry school. she complains of her weight and how she wished she was more like me, and we used to be when she was active in sports and the like. and she would again if she got back in, but she wont. and after this year maybe i wont either.

sometimes i think she doesn't want to be friends at all any more. it feels like she's ditching me. more and more i feel this and i thik that i am no more one of her good friends but she just says so because we've said it for so long that it's hard to not say it. kind of like when your pet dies, you really sad for days, then forget about it. Then a week later you remember and go to find them only to remember that they're dead, deceased, gone to the big pet store in the sky. i feel like i'm just someone that she sees at school. she no longer thinks anything i say is funny, or that i have a good point, or anything at all. i'm just there. she then complains i just am not with it. it's not my fault, i say. i just need to hang out with you more. hint, hint. she doesn't quite understand. but then i suppose i'm not getting subtle hints from her either. just a crap hole of a cycle.