Our top rower left. I am sad to say that I had nothing to say in the matter... I didn't know what was going on or what the situation was and honestly didn't feel like I deserved to have an opinion. Sounds bad, but it's true. I have been so badly displaced that girls I was in charge of last year now see me as a naive underling who needs all the help and coach that they can offer. I dont, but it pisses me off that no one besides Carla sees me as a part of varsity. I know I havn't done much to put myself out there as a varsity memeber of this team since my demotion, but they really havn't tried to include me either. If there is one thing I have relized in the past few weeks is that although you may be used to something, it can still hurt. I'm used to being forgotten and left behind and left out, and now although it doens't bother me there is still something in the back of my head that says: "Owch." What more can I do short of inviting myself over and into other peoples lives? I didn't want this to be an emo post. FAILURE.
I just feel like I should have stood up for her. I know I didn't have any reason too, and I certainly didn't stand against her, but I feel I should have said something after Carla. I should have said that they were all being sissies, and cheap, and cowardly. But I didn't, I sat there quitely, at least making eye contact with whoever was talking so they knew I was listening and hearing everything. Guess this can go on my list of things I need to work on for myself. Standing up and saying how I feel without worrying what the outcome will be.
Oh well. Sorry Allie, I know what it's liek to have something metaphorically taken away from you. It's something you can't get back and damned if it doesn suck. I just wish I had had a Carla there when it happened to me.
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