wow guys

I totally went off on a nostalgic tangent because of a talent show. I wrote a whole paragraph of old-timey feeling on a comment on Stacey C.'s livejournal, and it had nothing to do with her post. Well, I guess it did. She talked about the future, and I talked about the past. That is one amazing girl. I see her becoming so many things. Politician, Singer, Actress, Producer, Business Woman, Fashionista, Entrepenuer, you name it. I'm glad I got to spend time with her at camp, she's such an awsome gal. But thinking of her(like when I think of most multi-talented people) I get in this ucky-kind-of-mood. I dont know why, I think this happens to everybody when they feel that they dont have any talent. I know I have a talent, waiting for me out there, it's just frustrating sometimes because I haven't found it yet. Yeah I can swim, but I'm not the swimmer. I play polo, but thats not what I'm going to be doing in the next 20 years. I can/used to be able to draw fairly decently, but I haven't/didn't keep up on it. I've come to relize thaat I limited myself in the last 4 years of my life. I've let the stereotypes and secruities close me in, and now that I'm in college I'm glad I did. I have this thing in the back of my mind, and everytime I do something that might disapoint someone or make them feel bad for some reason, I dont do it. No matter how unreasonable it may seem, no matter how stupid it is to be disappointed of and they wouldn't be if I did, if I have that doubt in my head I dont do it. If I dont think I'd be comfortable talking to someone about it, I dont do it because if i can't talk about it, it's a disappointment to someone. That might explain to some of you why I waited so long to do things, or to not do them at all. I'm still worrying about stuff I did years ago that if my parents found out they'd think of me different. I still feel bad about doing something I resisted from for so long, and have strong feelings against, but still did because for one time in my life I didn't want to be the prude, I wanted to be worldly. But now I'm sad I gave in because someone said that someoneelse held me in some kind of high respect for not doing it. I didn't know, but when I found out I didn't feel too hot about what I just did. I felt like shit. I am sorry to that person for what I did. If I had know, I don't think I would have ever done it. But in a way, because you didn't tell me, it made it that much more pure of a conviction to me, of you. I am sorry. I hope you weren't as disappointed in me as I know your not.