nostalgia

welp, I've been feeling a bit reflective today. I helped AJ coach swim team today at my work, which was really awsome. I heart those little kids, they worked so hard, and were so tired but barly did anything. It also made me think while I was driving to water polo, how hard I've worked to be a good water polo player, individually and as a team player. It made me think of how hard I tried to be an accepted team player while I was the veteran, I tried to aspire to the other players when I had more experience. I was just volunteered to help coach while Megan was on vacation. I've been working on my coach for years so I could coach water polo, only to have it passed b y me to someone else. I've coached his teams before, I've been trying so hard and getting nothing. it reminded me of the drama department. I've always seen it as a parallel to my water polo team. I have always said drama was my family, and in many ways it has. The drama room in particular was like my home away from home, and Ms. Howell like a mother. But it's really been like a team to me, the way we work to get things done I there. I also think, how hard some of those people work to get things done, to be able to be the designer, the "head" of something. Now, I didn't quite just waltz in there, but it was pretty close. It's not like I wasn't toally devoted to the department, becasue I was; but I was in charge of so much and involved with so much in so little time. I got the Bank of America department award for fine arts because of the work I put in there. But I remember what someone said the next day when i told them, and the look on their face, a mixture of confusion and anger and disapointment.
"You got it? I thought it would have gone to someone who had been doing it for all four years." and I had said, despite my characteristic pushing away my feelings because I did not want to ofend them and asked:
"What do you mean someone from all 4 years?"
and they had told me not to get offened, because they didn't mean anything by it, and that they were sure I deserved it.
I hadn't expected this award and was very proud of it, and this hurt my feeling coming from someone so close. But i knew what they ment, knew what they felt. They had been there the whole time, and someone waltzed in and took what was theirs away. They had worked hard for it and thought maybe, just maybe they would get it, but didn't. I know that feeling. I hate that feeling, and I feel it all to much. With school, with plays, especially with polo. Always with water polo.