ick.

most of the begining scenes suck. they talk way to fast.

i am in a real foul mood. i have seriously almost cried about 10 time today. i have been trying to let this one thing go, one thing that i've been trying to make work for 3 years, and finally I am seeing the results. there was no love, no remorse, or sadness that we will never really see each other again, and it makes me sad because of the fake promises I've been given, i know they wont be kept, I said so aloud, but it was not believed. I was assured that it would be kept, but i know to well that it wont, I have heard it to much this year. The worst part is, even if the promise is kept, it wont be the same. there will be no feeling, or emotion in it. it will be kept for the sake of being kept. I dont think that it is quite understood how hurtful it is after all i've tried to do. Everyone was drawn because of illustion, of misunderstand and they all showed interest because they did not understand. I stayed because I like what was there, but the friendship i gave was not returned and never will. i tried to give up earlier, and i saw the results, how minor they were. but i would just like to let them know(even though i know they wont ever read this, because they dont read my blog) that i cared very much about all those things that i didn't seem to care about. I tried, and I failed. and i suppose it hurts more because of the other failures I had and I thought i could work it out, but i guess I'm not ambitous enough in that area to ever get it to work. i'm sorry. i just thought i'd let you know that i tried.

sorry if that seems confusing to you, it should be. I left out a few important nouns and prpoer names that should be there.... but i guess in a way i dont want them to know. you may or may not know who it is i'm talking about, but it really doesn't matter because i will never have the chance to try again. but i needed to get this out, and this was the only place i could. thanks for whoever(if anyone) reads this. i know i dont talk about my feelings much, and it's something i need to work on, and i am.