yay saddam!

he was found today. And I'm, kinda indifferent. what a surprize. I kinda feel bad for the guy, but thats jsut me. i dont usually holf things against people for too long. eh.

I think I've finally let go(or given up, but i dont like losing) on some people who really needed to not been let go. I feel kinda sad, but i can't do anything for them. I honestly dont like them to feel the way they feel but i've come to accept that they would rather feel hopeless than anythinge lse because their afraid of what other things feel like. (by the way, this ir more than just one or two people, it's actually quite a few. so no commenting on how i dont understand, because you dont know and neither do i and we should leave it at that.)

i hate the way that they use bodily harm to let their frustrations out and take the pain away by physically feeling it. i suppose by cutting themselves it like actually opening an emotional wound and it heals as the cut itself does, but i dont thinkt hat why they do it and how they use it. but i can't say I'm totally against it and stuff, that would be quite hypocritical of myself. I mean, come on, I have 7 peircings. Thats is not just a coquincidense. There is a reaosn I have chossen peircings and not tatoos or cutting or branding; I am very fixated(saddly to say) about my physical appearance. I am not rpoud of it, bt if i wasn't so worried about what other people thought about me and what I'll look like when I'm 66. If that wasn't the issue, I'd be full of crap from head to toe. And anyways, these peircings are like a badge of honor to me, I have altered my body but i can remove them at any time and it will be like it was never there.

I also think scars tell a story, and marking yourself up is like lying on your autobiography. When your older and people ask you where you got a certain scar from your not gonna say, "Oh, i was severly deopressed and decided to cut myself." Even if you have come to terms with it, most people will look weirdly at you if you said that to them so you'll probly make up a story, like you got mrked up rolling down a cliff while you were snowboarding, or got pumulledin the rockes while surfing, or crashed into some thorny bushes while skating and such. But i dont know, you might tell them the truth. i'm not you so I can decide.

To be honest, I probly have about as many scars as you guys do, although I didn't intentionally inflict them upon myself. I was a bad little girl. From the 3rd grade until the end of middle school i had so manyu injuries it was ridiculus. Skinned my entire knee-cap early third, broke my arm late third, strained my middle fingure early 4th, broke my big toe late 5th, borke both pinky toes numerous time between 6th and 7th, and strained my index fingure in 8th. Oh, and cut up my hand playing racket bal in 8th. I have so many random chicken pox scars too. I was too old to wear the oven mitts, so i was left to my own devices.^^

I dont know where I'm going with this anymore, so i'm going to stop, but i hope you now know that i understand what it is you do. i know i dont have the same problems, but it's only because i've blocked my delf off from them because of family illnesses.(learning disorders, mental breakdowns, it's quite fun to live in a family full of manic deprssives!)

oh, by the way, nothings hopeless uness you let it be. as long as your my friend, I wont let you be hopeless unless you refuse to let me. It's your choice. please tell how you feel, but dont do it by telling me i'm wronge. opinions are never wronge.